"Dear Select-a-god© Miss Piggy

Please let the makers of Merriol dot Com Roast in Hell for all eternity.

If you grant me this earnest prayer, Oh Lord and Master of all creation, I will give up rubbing cheese into strangers on the bus and delete this image file of Chipmunks rubbing cheese into a stranger on a bus from my hard drive.

I wish also to confess that "my best mate smells dogs bums"

" Telling tales on someone is not confessing - I can't forgive you for something you didn't do!

Anyway, smelling dog's bums isn't a sin - it's very weird, but not a sin (apart from on alternate Tuesdays in Utah). Come back when you have done something sinful; something evil involving rodents."

"Dear Select-a-god© Zeus

Please let the makers of Merriol dot Com be reincarnated as some form of land mollusc. If you grant me this earnest prayer, Oh Lord and Master of all creation, I will give up rubbing cheese into strangers on the bus and delete this image file of Naked politicians C:\WINNT\Profiles\WINNB\Desktop\Mrs Dominic.jpg) from my hard drive.

I wish also to confess that... " I usually delete all the emails with stupid links that ****** sends me and he would be very upset if he knew... he only carries on sending because he thinks I like them as much as he does "

" I know what you mean about the emails with stupid links. My boy keeps sending them to me all the time. He sends Virus Warnings that turn out to be hoaxes too. I wish he would check with Macaphee or Symantec's websites first. He knows I'm paranoid about the machine crashing. I may be bloody Omnipotent but that doesn't mean I understand Window's XP any better than you do.

You are forgiven my child, and the disgusting picture of George W Bush and the Latvian ambassador has been cleansed from your hard drive (how did you get hold of that anyway?)"

"Dear Select-a-god© (No Gods selected).

Please let the makers of Merriol dot Com be reincarnated as some form of land mollusc. If you grant me this earnest prayer, Oh Lord and Master of all creation, I will give up coveting my neighbour's ass and delete this (Unspecified) image file of Chipmunks rubbing cheese into a stranger on a bus from my hard drive.

I wish also to confess that " I'm addicted to Koala cookies."

"?"

"Dear Select-a-god© Buddah

Please let the makers of Merriol dot Com Be re incarnated as Republicans. If you grant me this earnest prayer, Oh Lord and Master of all creation, I will give up smelling my own farts and delete this image file of Chip 'n' Dale Porno Toons from my hard drive.

I wish also to confess that..." i am indeed sending this to some petifile with no life, instead of the holy spirit (you) who i am supposibly worshiping. Enough about this confessing nonesence, and send down another one of your sons to bring me sum entertainment. This is also beneficial to yourself here; i mean you get to satisfy a young lady of your choice (i mean you are god and all). "

"Hmm... 'send down another one of my sons' you say, implies you think I have more than one son, which does bugger up the whole concept of the Holy Trinity© a bit doesn't it? - Do you know how much it would cost to have all the Prayer books in the world reprinted to read "in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, and, oh yes, the other son who we all forgot about"?

No. Sorry pal, no can do... and before you ask I'm not going to send the one I have got back; look what you bastards did to him the last time."

"Dear Select-a-god© Jesus

Please let the makers of Merriol dot Com see the error of their ways and be SAVED (tm) If you grant me this earnest prayer, Oh Lord and Master of all creation,I will give up looking for dirty pictures on the web and delete this (unspecified) image file of Naked ladies from my hard drive.

I wish also to confess that " YOU SUCK!!!!! "

"Yes I do, and I enjoy it and I don't believe you couldn't find ONE picture of a naked lady on your hard drive - I bet everyone else could."

Please let the makers of Merriol dot Com Roast in Hell for all eternity! If you grant me this earnest prayer, Oh Lord and Master of all creation,I will give up coveting my neighbour's ass and delete this image file:"C:\My Documents\levels.txt" of Naked ladies from my hard drive.

I wish also to confess that ..." I sort of seduced another woman though I have a girlfriend. I got her back to my flat with the intention of bedding her, but when we kissed she said "what about your girlfriend?" so I stopped. But anyway, I feel bad now."

"Almost committing adultery is not a sin therefore I cannot forgive you. What IS unforgivable however, is that you have chosen to think that a text file is a picture of a Naked Lady. For that you will roast in the fireryest pit of Hell alongside Hitler, Stalin, and Mrs Eugenia O'Grady."